Saturday, January 17, 2009

Love!!!

Love is like a child…
-innocent and pure.
It smiles when you smile at it,
...weeps when you ignore it.
Take it into your arms and see it surrender,
Treat it with care and
Your life is a Wonder!

Love needs to be nurtured. Don’t just say it…show it. As often as you can.

Monday, January 12, 2009

A Strange Encounter

She was sitting on the window seat, next to me in the bus. She waved to an elderly man from the window. The bus started pulling out of the stop and everybody started settling down in their seats. It was a chilly Sunday evening sometime in January 2006. ‘Do you mind if I draw the curtains close…the light of the traffic scares me’ she said. I smiled and said, ‘Sure. I prefer it that ways too.’ ‘Thanks’ she said and turned her head away facing the thick drape covering the huge glass window.

I used to work in Hyderabad and Vizag is my hometown. I used to take the bus back after my trip home because it used to save me a lot of time when compared to a train. They started playing some telugu movie in the bus. I didn’t want to watch the movie and neither could I sleep, so I started listening to some music on my mobile with my eyes closed. I suddenly felt a tug on my right sleeve. I opened my eyes, removed my earphones and turned towards the girl.

“Sorry to disturb you” she said.
“That’s ok. You want something?” I said.
“Actually…what is your name?
(Her name I can’t recall.)
I am from Vizag. You?
Oh! You work in Hyderabad?”

She was being sent to Hyderabad by some consultancy for training. After 3 months of training, if she makes through the interview she could get a job. I realized at that point that it must be one of those small time so-called-offices that would take money from people and make vague promises about vague jobs. And the not-so-smart or people desperate for jobs were their targets.

She did look like a very innocent and a docile girl. Must be 22-23. She told me she had never attended any interview before, was travelling alone for the first time and had never been to Hyderabad before.
“No wonder you look so nervous” I said smiling.
“I hope I get a job. I need it very badly.”
“Sure you will. Relax and don’t be so nervous.”

After a couple of seconds…

“You are married or single? She asked me.
“Single.” I said.
“Oh! I am married. And I have a daughter. She is six months old.”
“Wow. Where is she? You are not taking her with you?”
“No. I left her with my parents. That man who came to see me off is my father. I am the only child of my parents. My husband is in the merchant navy.”
“You know you are very lucky that you are not married” she added.
“Haaa haaa…I know”, I said not realizing that there was a kind of genuineness in her tone.

What she told me after that left me speechless. Literally.

“My husband beats me whenever he is at home.”

I didn’t know why she was telling this to a total stranger and what I was supposed to say. Nevertheless she continued speaking…

“…he is an only child and both his parents died before we were married. He is home six months and sails six months. I am scared all the time when he comes home. He drinks and beats me up. He does not allow me to stay with my parents even when he goes off.”

“Do your parents know this?” I inquired in shock.
“I never told them. They know from some bruises my mother saw. But I never admitted it to them.”
“But why? They need to know. They will be able to help you nah…”
“They are very old and I am scared of hurting them. They got me married even before I completed my graduation thinking that it was a good match.”

“Don’t mind but why are you telling me all this? You don’t even know me.”
“I just want to tell. I don’t know why, But if you want me to stop I will.”
“But let me know how I can help you.”
“No no. I don’t want any help from you. Really. I just want to talk.”

I turned to face her, and put my hand on hers, that was resting on the armrest between our seats.

“He just went back last month and he does not know I am going for this training. When I get a job I will come off here with my daughter and parents.”
I saw her wipe a tear. I gave her my water bottle and she took a long swallow. I seriously had no clue how to react. All I could do was listen to her.

“Once he took me to the beach road for a drive, and drove back alone leaving me there. It was 11:30 in the night. I took an auto and went home. One time, he took me to ‘Gnanapuram smashanam’ (a particular graveyard in Vizag) pulled me out of the car and asked me to go inside and come back. He threatened to tell people that I had an affair or that I tried to kill him or that he will kill me if I did not do what he asked me to do or if I told anybody about all this. At one point I also asked him to give me a divorce if he did not like me. He said he enjoyed torturing me so he would never divorce me. I don’t have the strength to fight him. I am now scared he will treat my daughter also like that. ”

The bus stopped at a roadside dhabba for dinner. The lights were on and she suddenly stopped talking. I wanted to go to the washroom and asked her if she wanted something from the dhabba to eat. She refused. After 10 minutes I went back to my seat and I saw her recline on her seat and her face covered with the small blanket they give in the bus. Was she silently crying? I didn’t know. But I knew she was suffering. Hurting. Silently.

I couldn’t sleep all night. I have known men who beat their wives and feel macho about it. I could never ever respect them. But this was somehow different. This girl so blatantly accepting she couldn’t fight nor confide. Confused, scared and helpless how was she going to get through all that? I felt like giving her a good shake and saying “If this is all true why the hell are you taking it?”

Early next morning, as my stop approached, I woke her up and gave her my number before getting down from the bus.

I never heard from her. I don’t know if she got a job. I don’t know if she told her parents about her suffering. I don’t know if she fought against that monster of a husband. I wonder if I helped in anyway by just listening to her that night.

I think of her often and hope is in a better place now.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Random pop-up's.

Why is honeymoon called so?
Why do people make us angry?
Even worse…why do people get angry?
Does everybody have a soulmate?
Why don’t we laugh as much as we did as kids?
Why does a clock ‘tick-tock’ and not ‘ding-dong’?
Can one really ‘forgive and forget’?
Is there a selfless deed?
How long is forever?
Does ‘love at first sight’ last?
Why do we have so many questions?

These are just a few questions that keep popping up in my mind every now and then.

BTW- Why do we refer to God as ‘HE’?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My list of 5's.

As the Brand New Year makes an entry most entertainment channels are talking about a list of ‘Top 5’s’ of 2008. Hmmmmm,…what are my list of ‘top’s’ of 2008?

5 songs I listened to the most:
Tum se hi – Jab We Met
Bakhuda tumhi ho - Kismat Konnection
Kahin na laage mann - Kismat Konnection
Sinbad the sailor - Rock On!
Tere Sawalon ke woh jawaab – Manorama Six Feet Under

5 most unbearable songs:
Bull it’s possible –Mission Istanbul
Jab phon ki ghanti – Hello
Suno Na Suno-Love Story 2050
Jee Karda re jee karda – Sing Is King
Dard-e-disco – Om Shanti Om
And ofcourse every single song sung by Himesh Reshamiya.

5 movies I enjoyed:
Ratatouille
Devil Wears Prada
Mamma Mia!
Rock On!
Dostana

5 ‘faaaltu’ movies:
Kismat Konnection
Supar Star
Rama Rama Kya Hai Drama
Welcome to Sajjanpur
Sunday (The telugu version was nice though)

5 books I enjoyed the most:
Sein language - Jerry Seinfeld
Lost in Translation – Charlie Croker
Spouse – Shobha De
The Pilot’s Wife – Anita Shreve
Body Surfing – Anita Shreve

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Good Year!

As I was looking at the calendar today I realized how time flies. And as usual, I drifted into the thoughts of the year that passed by. Memories, events, mundane things, exciting moments, re-unions, new friends, new places…the year was filled with all this, and more. No better opportunity, to jot down all that, than now.

Well, my year started off with a bang, in more ways than one. I was jobless by choice (see the catch), ‘just married’ to a nice guy (you know how difficult that is), and was looking forward to my honeymoon (always wondered why it is called that). I was a ‘one week old new bride’ and was in Palakkad (Kerala), Vinay’s hometown, on the 31st of Dec last year. I always wanted to go to Kerala, especially the backwaters. And that exactly was his wedding gift to me. We took a house boat from Alapuzha to Kumaragam. The beauty, the peace and the simple form of nature, captured in the camera, does not reveal its true self. It is beyond beautiful!

And then came the time for reality. Vinay had to leave to get back to Saudi and I had to wait a little more than 3 months for my visa. I used this time to get to know my in-laws, make a trip to my hometown (Vizag), spend time with my cousins (which I couldn’t do when I was working). But, after a while it started getting to me. Not that I wanted to get out of there, I just wanted to get here to him. After all ‘Home is where the heart is.’

On day one, both of us made a pact never to sleep over a fight. It’s a different story that we did not have a single fight till today. Contrary to what people say, we believe that there are a lot of other ways of making a marriage interesting. Then why fight? Save up the energy for some more laughter.

Inspite of Vinay preparing me for life here I got a major cultural shock. But then I thought to myself, ‘One needs courage, love and commitment to live in a place like this’. Besides, I can always say ‘Been there, done that’ about this too.

I was sure I was going to have a good life with Vinay. Him being a simple, uncomplicated and a focused guy I knew I wouldn’t have to struggle keeping our lives simple. But what I did not anticipate was the amount of humor our lives would be filled with. Even through my PMS he manages to make me laugh and I manage to make him meditate through his PMS (Post Marital Stress…remembering important dates and all that.)

I must admit that I was excited about donning the role of a home-maker. Ofcourse there is quite a bit to do in the house, and then I can, anytime, sit back and enjoy a hot cup of tea without thinking of getting back to my ‘desk’. I learnt lots of new recipes, made some of them, read quite a few books, did a lot of catching up on movies and took lots of un-interrupted naps. Now, is that not a luxury? I learned Malyalam well enough to converse with my malayali neighbor. Made a few friends, saw some new places and ate new cuisines. And above all I learnt never to say ‘never’.

We took a trip to Dubai and had a gala time. The dune bashing, camel ride and the desert camp were a once in a life time experience. The Lebanese food is rich and bland with a variety of salads. Bahrain is another place we have been to. Have been there 3 times, over weekends, to get recharged. The last time we went there, we saw ‘Dostana’. How I miss watching a movie on large screen, with popcorn and Pepsi.

Over the year I lost some weight and again put on more than what I lost. Experimented with my hair cutting it shorter than I ever did. For the first time I experienced the temperature above 50 degrees and now below 10 degrees.

One thing that I used the maximum this entire year is Vinay’s laptop. From blogging to chatting to maintaining my calendars and reminders. He probably noticed that I was more dependent on his laptop than I was on him. He said I deserved better and bought me my own. He gifted me a Sony Vaio in Luxury Pink for our anniversary.

On a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate my year a 9.5. Its been a good year for Vinay too. A 9.5 apparently. Stating that, could I ask for more!?!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Chinese. Tadka marke!!!

Last week we went to “Pataya” for dinner. No Nooo, not the Bangkok Pataya (how I wish). Pataya is a restaurant here that serves “Authentic Thai and Chinese” food.

I like Chinese food and the Manchuria is my favourite…chicken, veg, dry or wet…I could finish my meal with just that. So when the waiter (a Filipino) appeared at our table we ordered, in a flow for, a Saudi Champaigne (it’s a fruit based drink with a light appleey and strong orangeey flavour. Quite nice.), some noodles, spring rolls and chicken manchuria-wet…and then…
Waiter: Please repeat the last one.
Me: Chicken manchuria-wet.
Waiter: What’s that?
Me: Sorry?
Waiter: What is manchuria wet?
Me: What is manchuria???
Waiter: Can you show on the menu?
Vinay: Sure. Hmmmmmm(going through the menu). Not in the menu.
Waiter: Sorry! But what is Manchuria?
I shot a glaring look at Vinay and said, “What is manchuria???? Did he just say that? And they don’t have it in the menu?”
Vinay with a smirk: “Yup.”
Me: Is this a Chinese restaurant?
Vinay: Apparently. And he is still waiting to take the order.
Me: Tell him something. Anything. I don’t care.

Vinay asked for some dish from the menu and the waiter left, still wondering what I asked for. You don’t have to look into the menu before asking for a Manchuria or even noodles when you go to a Chinese restaurant. They have it.

I was confused. How come he did not know what ‘manchuria’ is? I always ate it with Chinese food. Every Chinese Food stall fellow in India makes it and he makes it best. And why was Vinay smiling?? He was smiling at my reaction. A combination of shock, disappointment, disapproval, confusion, wonder, pity…all at the same time. What a horrible sight that would have been to witness and he still managed to smile (a strange sense of humor he’s got.) I cribbed all through out the dinner and on our way back. Vinay also wondered how they were clueless about even the term Manchuria. Not serving it is one thing and not having heard of it is another. It is Manchuria god dammit!

The first thing we did after reaching home was look up for manchuria in Wikipedia. The search talked about China but there was no mention of food. Hmmmmmm???!!!??? Next search – ‘Chicken Manchuria’….and there it is… “Indian Chinese Cuisine”. An adaptation of Chinese seasoning & cooking techniques to Indian taste. This cuisine is believed to have developed by the Chinese migrants in Calcutta.

Wow!!! What I really liked all these years was Indian Chinese (alias Chinese Fast food)?!? What I really enjoy is the deep orange/red coloured chicken Manchuria dry with roasted curry leaves sprinkled all over. The really thick gravy of garlic chicken with more garlic than chicken. Chilly chicken with lots of slit green chillies and dry red chillies poured over it. And the really really greasy noodles (with a slight burned flavour). And even in a place where we get ‘Andhra meals’ we can get chilli chicken. And don’t we love it!?!

How much we Indian’s love our masala’s and tadka’s. We even have our pizzas with masala’s. We have kadhai paneer pizza, chicken tikka pizza, tandoori, kheema do pyaaza.
I have heard someone once say ‘less cheese and more chillies please.’

Indian Chinese-what a contribution to the world of food! And anybody who loves street food will agree with me. I personally, am a big fan of the Chinese, tadka marke!!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Friends Lost and Found


You know how they say that time heals the wound but leaves behind a scar. I think there are exceptions. Or, may be, the scar is just imaginary sometimes!

Aruna and me were inseparable for 3 years. We spent most of our evenings together and most of our weekends too. Her parents would let her only to my house to spend a night and the same was with mine. Other than her I have never had a ‘night out’ or a night study session in any other friends’ house ever. She never ever spend, as much time she did in my house, in any other friends of hers.

Both of us met in our colony temple where we were forced to attend a ‘puja’ by respective mothers and we bonded the moment we met. We were a match made in heaven! You know the Parents knew each other, we met in a temple, liked each other kinda stuff ;). We were together all the time...evening walks, together to the temple, movies etc. We talked about embarrassing stuff, secret crushes, ‘Ahhhhh I love him’ kinda stuff, gossip, craft work, home work, assignments (we had quite a few subjects in common) and a lot of other girl stuff and shared all our secrets. We were possessive about each other.

I met her friends from college and she met mine. Her friends had become my friends too. And then, something went wrong between the two of us. I absolutely had no clue what and why? We just grew apart. We didn’t see that coming. It happened so suddenly that we didn’t even realize. I guess we were so possessive about each other that we started growing insecure as and when more people entered our lives. And for some reason we chose not to talk it out. We probably were scared to hurt each other…and we ended up doing exactly the same. Our friends noticed we had gone cold on each other but we didn’t act upon it.

Through the years we kept in touch, through calls and emails once in a while…but were very cordial and composed. 8 passive years have passed between the two of us. Two week ago she emailed me some of her latest pics and while I was seeing them I felt a deep pain in my heart. God I missed her. And I wrote to her all that I felt about us. It was like waking up from deep sleep. How I missed her through the year and how stupid I had been to just let go of our friendship and how much she had ignored me all these years. I poured in all my vent up feelings not expecting anything from her but just because I wanted her to know how I felt.

It probably was one of the best things I did. She wrote back a long email expressing all that she felt and it was exactly the way I felt. She was sorry that she let go of me without an attempt to question. She had the right to. It was awesome to know that we still meant to each other so much. We agreed that both of us were fools not to have kicked each other in the butt and say “What the hell do you think you are doing?” It was a miracle mail that we had exchanged. Since that day, we have been filling each other up with every single detail about our lives, our respective husbands and how we met them, our daily routine, pictures etc. Its exactly the way it was 8 years ago (except that we share woman stuff now not the girl stuff as much ;) ) We started off from where we left. And that I think is amazing. No hard feelings and no explanations. We are back with a bang!

Its nice that we all grow up. And it is important to learn as we grow. Its nice to be possessive about someone you love. But it is also important to know when to let the rope loose so that we don’t lose the person. That applies to everybody in our life. Today my relationship with my friends who matter and my husband is so strong that nothing or nobody can make me insecure.

Both, Aruna and me have realized this today and are in a much ‘better place’. The one thing I wish I could do today is hug her!