Precious Smile

Sometimes a smile can convey more than words. A smile can complete your day. A smile can give you a good night’s sleep.

A long time ago V, me and 2 other friends went to the Al-Nakheel beach to spend the evening. We packed home cooked food, grabbed some chips a bottle of Pepsi and we drove off to have some good time. It was nothing less than a picnic. Infact it was a picnic.

The Nakheel beach is a beautiful place with lovely parks throughout the stretch of the beach. On either sides of the road you will find families having a good time and kids playing football, flying ‘spiderman’ kites, riding tri-cycles… It is a place full of life. And there is always the appetizing aroma of barbeque in the air.

After a while I wanted to take a walk in the grass, barefoot. I love the feel of grass on my bare feet. V joined me. We then noticed a shadow, from the park lights, of a little girl, not more than 6 years, following us. We turned back and she ran away laughing. I noticed that girl a while ago running around and playing with someone who I thought was her father. She again slowly started walking behind us and we turned back. She seemed to enjoy this small game as she kept doing it and laughing. She gave us 2 pamphlets that she picked up in the park. I made a boat out of it, V made a rocket and gave it to her. She took it and ran away giggling to where her family was sitting.

She kept coming back with more and more such papers and we kept making the same things. She seemed to enjoy it all. She said something in Arabic that we didn’t understand but we knew she was having fun.

We started having our dinner and still the kid kept coming. We offered her to sit with us and eat but she handed over some more papers. We finally served some food in a plate and gave her thinking she will eat. She smiled, said something, took the plate and went back to where her family was sitting. After about 10 minutes, she came again and stood before us extending the plate as if asking for more. She again went back with the plate to where her family was sitting.

After some time, I saw her walking towards us with the plate in her hand and a smile on her lips. I was about to serve her some more food when she said “Khallas. Shukhraan!! Shukhraan!!” (Finished. Thank you!). She left the plate next to me and ran towards the beach, washed her hands, came back to us, gave a contented smile and said something and ran away. We couldn’t follow what she said except for ‘Shukhraan!!’. But her smile conveyed more than her words.

What she did next was so unexpected. As we were packing our stuff and getting ready to leave, she came to me and gave me a small packet which had some leftover popcorn. She shoved it into my hand, again said ‘Shukhraan!’, shook my hand with her innocent smile and ran away.

Yesterday, for some reason I kept remembering the smile on that little girls face. It was priceless! And it made my day. Again.

How many other things are we missing?

I am blogging after so long that I almost forgot my blogspot password. I guess I have a tendency to 'shut off' every now and then.

I read the following article, an email forward, I thought I should share it. I don’t know if it is a true story as claimed, but then, it could be.

Washington, DC, Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes, a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried to meet his schedule.......

4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:
A 3-year-old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money, but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the Metro Station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Kisses And A Cake

Giving a surprise to your husband is a challenge in this place. I could never give V a surprise gift in the last, almost 1 and a half years that we have been here. Simply because women cannot go out alone to shop. I tried doing it by secretly buying a shirt or a belt but he would invariably know as he would have to atleast be in the same shop that I enter.

But then, we have friends to help us out right!

Tomorrow, is V’s birthday and I was determined to give him some surprise. I asked my friends, to buy a packet of Hershey’s Kisses (V always wanted to try them but never did for some weird reason) and a Chocolate Cake so I can surprise V at 12 in the night.

I just sneaked out (V is fast asleep) and got the stuff. They surprised me by buying not just a cake but a huge Ice-Cream cake from Baskin Robbins. I am so damn happy and thrilled that finally, with the help of lovely friends, I am able to surprise V.

Thank-you so much Tanz, Taslee and Nidhi!!!

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!

Away, like always.

I have’nt blogged in a while now. For no particular reason though. I guess I was going through ‘keep your thoughts to your self’ mode. I have been drifting away into the world created by Anita Shreve and Dannielle Steel. After reading The Kite Runner, I couldn’t help but buy copy of A Thousand Splendid Suns. Beautifully written, but, The Kite Runner is the winner.

Turning 30 (last week) has been no big deal. I don’t feel any older. Wiser? Yes! Happier? Yes! More in love with life? Yes! And I am glad! The only disadvantage of turning 30 is being reminded of the fact that my biological clock is ticking. But then, isnt every birthday a reminder of something that you wish could wait longer?

My neighbor who is also my friend, came back last week from India with her 5 month old daughter. The baby is so adorable with a cute little dimple on her right cheek. V and I had planned a surprise and filled a room with balloons, some toys and a chocolate cake for the mother and the baby to cut. The mother and me spend the afternoons together having lunch, watching a movie and playing with the little one.

V and I will be off to India on a 3 week vacation in another 10 days. The freedom from the burkha, being able to walk alone on the road, sitting in a coffee shop by myself, watching a movie and meeting Shalini (who is now Mrs. Shalini Krishna) are the little but very exciting things I am looking forward to.

Seattle’s Best Coffee is my favorite coffee. On my birthday, we went to Rashid Mall in Al-Khobar and spend a hour having coffee. A coffee mug collector that I am, V bought me a coffee mug. Starbucks, according to me, is all snob value. In a small shopping mall near our house, we discovered a small coffee shop called ‘Coffee Shop’. I burnt my tongue while taking a large coffee-hungry sip. But the coffee was absolutely delicious. Steaming hot and mildly bitter.

Talking about hot…I like Shruti Hassan. She is hot and talented. Mothers looks and fathers talent did do a great deal for her. I haven’t seen her act but her singing is definitely good. And did I ever mention that I don’t like Deepika Padukone. She is so over-rated. I don’t like Aishwarya Rai either. As an actor, she is over-rated. As a model she is fabulous. And her fake accent…goshhhh it’s so fake.

There is this very interesting blog V came across and I loved too “SAND GETS IN MY EYES”. A must read. I have become an instant follower as I relate to it like all the other expats living here. Her writing is brilliant, funny and interesting.

Discovering Peace

Sometimes you ‘experience’ moments that leave you with a feeling of fullness. A feeling that you cannot control. A feeling that you cannot explain. A state of bliss.

I felt that early this morning. When I was talking to my in-laws. They, finally, after more than a year of persuasion, have enrolled into the basic course of the “Art of Living”. Just talking to them about their experience made me feel at peace. Even without realizing, tears started rolling down. It was a spiritual moment.

Like everybody else, they were reluctant about the idea. They gave every excuse possible (which do not really qualify for an excuse), like anybody else would. I have never persuaded anybody for anything as much as I did my In-laws to do the course. I must admit that there were times when I thought there was no use explaining it to them. My mom-in-law always listened to me talk about it and a couple of times I heard her tell people “My daughter-in-law is a follower of Guruji.” I never missed the sense of pride that she had in her voice while mentioning it to others. We talked about it a lot of times but somehow her enthusiasm never lasted beyond the conversation.

Three days ago she had called saying that somebody had come home to tell that there was a class starting in the building right opposite to their house. That day, again, after cajoling her, I had decided that I was never again going to talk to her about it. It is not in my character to push someone so much.

Just 3 days of Pranayam and Sudarshan Kriya and my dad-in-law said, “I cannot explain the feeling” and my mom-in-law said, “I am at peace with myself.” Isn’t that amazing?
I just want to say…

“Amma and Papa, I am so glad that you two are doing the course. You deserve the tranquility and the new found sense of being. You have picked up a good habit; make sure you don’t give it up.”
Jai Guru Dev!!!

Am Sleeping All Day

I have been a mess for a week now. I have been terribly weak with no energy to even make a cup of tea. My medical reports are normal, which is good, but I don’t know what’s causing the weakness. All I have been doing is just sleep all day. Reading even a few paragraphs is like a big task.

I am too tired to write anymore than this. So, until I feel better, I will follow my doctor’s advice and sleep.

8 DONTS

[Written for You've Been Tagged!]

There are a lot of Do’s and Don’ts in life. My top 8 DON’Ts are:

1. Don’t burn your bridges.
It is a small world. You never know when again you might have to face an old employer or a friend. By burning your bridges you are only closing down on opportunities in life.

2. Don’t take a decision when you are confused.
When you are not sure which way to go don’t go. When you’re confused, step back, clear your mind, take some time to think, and then decide.

3. Don’t bring up old issues/problems when in an argument.
The key word is ‘focus’. Bringing up old issues will not solve your present problem. What’s over is a closed chapter.

4. Don’t ever stop communicating with your spouse.
Always talk to your spouse about your concerns and worries. It is important for a couple to share not only happy thoughts but also the fears. By communicating you will not only be happy but you will make your lives simple.

5. Do not make casual calls to your married friends after 9 pm and before 9 am.
Gossiping can wait until tomorrow. Don’t disturb your friend and his/her family between 9 pm. And 9 am. It is family time for them.

6. Don’t ever stop learning.
It is important to learn new things. It keeps you young, energetic and sane.

7. Don’t forget the lessons learnt.
We all make mistakes in life. But it’s important we don’t repeat our mistakes.

8. Don’t forget to laugh.Laughter sure is the best medicine.
A sense of humor will help you sail through the toughest of times.

It's Him Again

Last night I met him again. I was boarding the train to Vizag, my hometown, and I saw him making his way through the luggage in the compartment. He was politely smiling at all the teenage girls and ladies who were gasping at the very sight of him. He was wearing light brown trousers and a black t-shirt. I followed him across 3 compartments. He sat on his berth and noticed me standing there with thousands of words in my eyes. He smiled at me and I died.

Everybody in the train was staring at him, their eyes popping out but he seemed to be unaffected by the attention. I wanted to talk to him, wanted to touch him once, hold his hand and have endless conversations. I just wanted to drown in his eyes. It really didn’t matter how he felt about me. I was awestruck by his very presence.

It was as if my prayers were answered. He looked into my eyes and flashed his killer smile. His smile said he could read in my eyes how much I adored him. He said “why don’t you join us” and made space for me to sit next to him. I sat down still not able to believe that my dream was coming true.

In no time, we started talking as if we have been doing so for years. We were laughing, sharing ‘chai’ from the same cup (how romantic!), taking pictures and pulling each other’s leg. And I somehow convinced him to stay over at my place while he was in Vizag. He said he would do so only if I promised to show him around the city and be with him as long as he was there.

We reached home and I introduced my family to him and everybody was more than thrilled to meet him. My dad even shared a drink with him. After dinner just when I was about to kiss him goodnight I heard a voice say, “Baby, its 6 o’clock. Don’t you want to wake up?”

“We were so close” I said smiling impishly, still lying in bed and my husband immediately knew who I was referring to.

“ Ohhh…what did he say this time?” he said laughing.

I sat up in my bed and thought, yet again, “George, you’re just a dream away!”

...not after today

“I can't fight my feelings. I am attracted to her. Emotionally too.” he said.

Her heart stopped beating for a moment. She couldn’t breathe.

“Say something” he said.

“What do you want me to say to that?” she said breathing again.

“I am telling you because I don’t want to cheat on you. I can’t handle the guilt. And I don’t even know if I can meet you again.”

“I know what you mean. You will not have to cheat on me. Not after today” she said.

He could hear the sound of her heart shatter as she disconnected the line.

In the Company of a Kid

Say KIDS and the first thing that comes screaming to my mind is ENERGY!!!

Where do they get all that energy from? They hardly eat anything, take hours to drink a glass of milk, but the stamina they have to talk, play, jump, laugh and sometimes to cry their guts out is unbelievable. They need no reason to smile and laugh without inhibitions. They so effortlessly make us laugh too. They have the most amazing sense of humour!

We can never escape their embarrassing questions. They seem to have mastered the art of embarrassing the grown-ups. And no answer we give them is good enough. With their short attention span they keep our minds running and chasing their thoughts all the time. They are inqusitive and restless all the time to touch, feel and question about everything that catches their eye. They are scared of weird things and always have stories to tell. An empty coke can, a small match box or even a paper napkin will keep them occupied for hours.

I have a neighbour who has a 3 year old and a 3 months old. I spend atleast an hour with them everyday. The mother sometimes has a tough time handling both of them. Imagine trying to put the little one to sleep while the older one refuses to stop yelling or demands all attention telling some tale with all the excitement possible.

Sometimes it is difficult to imagine that we too were as innocent and happy as a child. Play with a kid for some un-ingibited laughter. It sure is a stress buster. And ofcourse, they are capable of teaching us a lot.

A Wife’s Perspective.

My views/opinions expressed here are from the perspective of a wife, based on the observations, discussions and exchange of experiences from the past couple of years. These are questions that I am sure all of us have asked ourselves at some point or the other.

When a girl gets married, she is expected to bring changes in her behavior, expectations and her lifestyle, to suit that of her husband’s. She is expected to leave her family behind and adapt to her ‘new family.’ Her parents tell her ‘now they are your parents. You must listen to them and obey them.’

But what is expected of a boy getting married? Is he told that now he has another set of parents he needs to obey? Does he bring about changes in his lifestyle? Does he leave his dreams and expectations behind?

A woman who obeys her husband and in-laws is a ‘good wife’ but a man who obeys his wife is ‘henpecked’?? The change somehow seems to come very naturally to women. Men change too. But, they are criticized saying ‘he has changed after marriage.’ Display of emotions or change of priorities is considered a sign of weakness in men.

A woman does not worry that her parents might get insecure after her marriage, but, a man does. Why is that? Is it because the woman’s parents are very secure of their relationship with their daughter? OR because they ‘willingly accept’ the fact that she now has her family and priorities? OR may be both! They are happy that the husband becomes the most important person in her life. And the wife has no qualms admitting/declaring the same.

How often do you come across sons who openly admit that their wife is the most important person in his life? Well, it’s not because she is not, but because by saying so he could be hurting his parents. It would make them a little (or may be a lot) insecure. Men prefer being diplomatic in such matters. They want to keep everybody happy. (Atleast that’s what they think they are doing.)

When a son takes care of his parents’ needs and securities he is considered to be doing his duties. When a daughter does the same, people call her parents a liability. Why? Does a girl love her parents any less than a boy?

I have heard a lot of parents praise their sons-in-law openly but haven’t come across parents praising their daughters-in-law. Not even 1/4th of what they brag about their own sons or daughters. It is very easy to say ‘she is lucky to be married into our family’ but how often do they consider the possibility that the family is probably luckier to have her?

This could be never ending. All I want to say is be fair and get real. Don’t treat a woman any different from a man. Long gone are the days when the daughter-in-laws would listen to any crap just because it is coming from her husband or in-laws. She is staying with her in-laws does not mean she prefers not staying with her parents. Stop challenging the daughters-in-law. Why risk spoiling a relationship before it has even had a chance to grow?

All these could be minor issues and quite common too. It is natural that in any new relationship there will be insecurities. How well you deal with them depends on how sensitive you are. Everybody has their side of the story…parents, husbands and in-laws. Most of us (the women) are lucky to have the capability and maturity to understand the intricacies of relationships and how to work around them. Some of us are lucky to have in-laws who are more broad-minded than others. But all of us are lucky to be women. We have a mind strong enough to admit our priorities.

Spiritual Joy Ride

Everybody has life changing experiences in their lives. I am no exception. Mine was like a joy ride, bungee jumping, scuba diving and paragliding put together. Can you imagine that? Anybody who has done the ‘Art of Living’ knows what I mean.

His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, fondly referred to as ‘Guruji’ and ‘Guru Dev’ is the founder of Art of Living Organisation. He is one of the most charismatic persons I have ever come across. His aura, grace and poise will leave you enthralled.

For almost 7 years, before I did the first course, a lot of people told me about the Art of Living. I must agree that I had a lot of misconceptions about the Art of Living before I did the course. I was apprehensive and unsure. And then one day I enrolled for the Basic Course. And trust me when I say I have been at peace with myself ever since. I am focused and contented. I experience spirituality. I am happier, healthier and stronger. I am aware. It is something that one can only experience. It is an out-of-the world experience.

One major misconception that people have is the Art of Living is for people who are sad and suffering. The Art of Living is for everybody who breathes. For everybody who believes in life. And the ones who don’t believe in life haven’t experienced it yet. Those of you, who know what I am talking about, will agree with me. And those who haven’t heard of the Art of Living or considered it yet, go ahead and do yourselves a favor. It is no less than a joy ride. And, you will never regret it.

For more facts follow the links:
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: The Peoples Guru
Experiences across the Globe
Indo-Pakistan Youth Peace Initiatives
Art of Living Service Projects

Happy Sad

I am excited, elated, happy, nervous, tensed and sad. Yeah I am feeling all these at the same time in almost similar proportions.

For some time now I was hoping to take a break from this routine here. I needed freedom. I needed to know I haven’t lost my brains completely sitting at home here. I have been dying to talk to people other than just family friends and acquaintances. I fear I had forgotten how to speak to anybody else other than my husband. Yesterday, after a 3 hour conversation with my mom-in-law, she said “Dear, you need a break. Why don’t you come here for a month.” (I wonder if I said something that made her realize that I am losing my brains here.) And how sweet of her to listen to my yapping for 3 hours!!!

Though my husband and me have been thinking about me going to India for a couple of weeks, we never took it too seriously. Suddenly, this morning my husband said that it’s better I take a break. (I suspect he needs a break from me.) So one call to the travel agent and the tickets are booked for tomorrow morning. I have to leave home by 8 am.

I have been looking forward to a trip like this. Infact I told my husband that on our next visit to India, I didn’t want him around me for atleast a week. And now, the tickets are booked and I am not sure how sure I want to go.

Yes, I want to have the girl talks with my mom-in-law and want to listen to my dad-in-law discussing insane traffic and irresponsible drivers of Hyderabad. Want to catch up with my mom on the family politics, discuss with my dad on how to make life easy and freak out with my brother.

A matter of 48 hours or less, and I will be able to do all that and more. But all of a sudden I feel a little sad. I am so used to my husband that I cannot now imagine a month away from him. I already miss him so terribly. From the day I landed here, we have been together every single day. And feeling so miserable emotionally is new to me. I am not very sure how to handle this. It is 11:30 now and I haven’t even started packing. I am delaying it. I realize I haven’t had breakfast and am still not hungry. I did not even touch my coffee after I got to know my ticket is confirmed. Oh my God!!! I have become an emotional wreck. I know I need this break and will make the most of it.

But right now, this very moment, I am nervous, tensed and sad, excited, elated, happy.

...holding on

She read it all over again. She knew it by heart. “I will write soon” was what she was holding on to…for 4 months now.

Right Here Right Now

Sometimes your days become so monotonous that everything that you do is in a flow...from the time you wake up till the time you fall asleep. There are days when I want to break the routine. Well, that’s why I guess we have weekends!

Right here, the place that I live in, there is really not much I can do by myself. So I am stuck indoors all day. I can only dream of walking alone in a park or even in the street. I so long for the days when I can do all that I enjoy doing outdoors, even if on my own...like,
1. Window shopping (with out being bothered about my husband waiting outside the store)
2. Walking in the aisles of the supermarket looking at every product I want to without either the intention to buy OR the pressure of ‘Done?’ (I once told my husband that I hate it when he says ‘hurry up!’ so now he asks ‘Done?’. Smart @&&!)
3. Sitting in a corner seat of a cafe and reading a book (not bothered about how long I’ve been there or how many coffee’s I have had)
4. Taking a long walk in a park with the pleasure of not talking or listening to anyone
5. Go watch a movie on impulse (even if I have to watch it alone)
6. Go to a vegetable vendor in the street corner where I can bargain (adha kilo bees rupai...kya bhaiyya..pandra lagalo...aur sabji lene hain)
7. Dress up and go for dinner (here dressing up means wearing an ‘abhaya’)
Well, there is more to the list. I look forward to doing all that on my next visit abroad (yeah, I have to go out of this country to do all that. I live in Saudi).

Right now, I am enjoying the pleasant weather (sitting indoors ofcourse). The winter is over and the summer has not set in yet. BTW- I hate winters. I dislike everything about winter...cold nights, dark mornings, dry skin, frizzy hair, thick clothes...
I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson and taking care of my two pet turtles (Tilu & Bhole). I have so much fun just watching them eat, swim and crawl. When I talk to them they actually look up as if they understand. Tilu is docile and Bhole is a bully. They are so tiny and want so little.

I am dancing to the tune of Marjani and just can’t get enough of You get me Rocking&Reeling (I especially the Hindi lines of the song. Both from Billu Barber). I am a sucker for romantic songs (anything romantic actually) and am still listning to Kucch Khaas Hai and Marjawa from Fashion. I am loving the music of Delhi 6 and looking forward to watch the movie.

...yet again.

“I will write. I promise.” He said as the train started pulling out of the station.

She kept looking into his eyes holding back her tears.

“I love you!” he said and winked, casting a spell on her.

She skipped a heartbeat...yet again.

Weird to be tagged

I read about this “weird game” on Seher's blog. Its funny and interesting. And I would do anything that’s fun, atleast once.

Rules : The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names.)

1. I am a cleanliness freak. But don’t care a damn about eating roadside food like pani poori, pav bhaji etc.

2. I never cut my nails real short. I maintain them and make sure they look neat and pretty but when of them breaks, I don’t cut the rest to make them the same length. The reason is what is weird: If I cut them short I start biting them. I did that a couple of times and managed to make my fingers look real ugly.

3. My mood swings. One moment I will make you have the laugh of your life and the next moment I can go into my shell making you wonder if you upset me by laughing. I have been working on this and am making quite a progress. Getting from weird to better.

4. When I am angry/frustrated/pissed off, I start cleaning. I start scrubbing the kitchen floor, vacuuming an already clean room, change bed sheets. I am a freak when it comes to neatness but when I am pissed off I am weird freak.

5. Sometimes my responses to what my husband says are really bizarre. My responses have nothing to do with what he says. Not even the same topic. Example: He says ‘Deepika looks hot in this video.’ And I say ‘when did you speak to him?’ or “I had a dream last night’ and I say ‘yeah, rice and sambar.’

6. I cry at weddings on screen. Even a lousy bad movie makes me cry if it has wedding scene in it. I get all mushy and sentimental and all that with anything that has to do with weddings. Before I got married I don’t remember crying at such scenes. I didn’t cry at my own wedding.

Tagging just 6 people is being unfair to the others. Everybody is weird in some way to or the other. So just join the game and make your list and post them.

A Strange Encounter

She was sitting on the window seat, next to me in the bus. She waved to an elderly man from the window. The bus started pulling out of the stop and everybody started settling down in their seats. It was a chilly Sunday evening sometime in January 2006. ‘Do you mind if I draw the curtains close…the light of the traffic scares me’ she said. I smiled and said, ‘Sure. I prefer it that ways too.’ ‘Thanks’ she said and turned her head away facing the thick drape covering the huge glass window.

I used to work in Hyderabad and Vizag is my hometown. I used to take the bus back after my trip home because it used to save me a lot of time when compared to a train. They started playing some telugu movie in the bus. I didn’t want to watch the movie and neither could I sleep, so I started listening to some music on my mobile with my eyes closed. I suddenly felt a tug on my right sleeve. I opened my eyes, removed my earphones and turned towards the girl.

“Sorry to disturb you” she said.
“That’s ok. You want something?” I said.
“Actually…what is your name?
(Her name I can’t recall.)
I am from Vizag. You?
Oh! You work in Hyderabad?”

She was being sent to Hyderabad by some consultancy for training. After 3 months of training, if she makes through the interview she could get a job. I realized at that point that it must be one of those small time so-called-offices that would take money from people and make vague promises about vague jobs. And the not-so-smart or people desperate for jobs were their targets.

She did look like a very innocent and a docile girl. Must be 22-23. She told me she had never attended any interview before, was travelling alone for the first time and had never been to Hyderabad before.
“No wonder you look so nervous” I said smiling.
“I hope I get a job. I need it very badly.”
“Sure you will. Relax and don’t be so nervous.”

After a couple of seconds…

“You are married or single? She asked me.
“Single.” I said.
“Oh! I am married. And I have a daughter. She is six months old.”
“Wow. Where is she? You are not taking her with you?”
“No. I left her with my parents. That man who came to see me off is my father. I am the only child of my parents. My husband is in the merchant navy.”
“You know you are very lucky that you are not married” she added.
“Haaa haaa…I know”, I said not realizing that there was a kind of genuineness in her tone.

What she told me after that left me speechless. Literally.

“My husband beats me whenever he is at home.”

I didn’t know why she was telling this to a total stranger and what I was supposed to say. Nevertheless she continued speaking…

“…he is an only child and both his parents died before we were married. He is home six months and sails six months. I am scared all the time when he comes home. He drinks and beats me up. He does not allow me to stay with my parents even when he goes off.”

“Do your parents know this?” I inquired in shock.
“I never told them. They know from some bruises my mother saw. But I never admitted it to them.”
“But why? They need to know. They will be able to help you nah…”
“They are very old and I am scared of hurting them. They got me married even before I completed my graduation thinking that it was a good match.”

“Don’t mind but why are you telling me all this? You don’t even know me.”
“I just want to tell. I don’t know why, But if you want me to stop I will.”
“But let me know how I can help you.”
“No no. I don’t want any help from you. Really. I just want to talk.”

I turned to face her, and put my hand on hers, that was resting on the armrest between our seats.

“He just went back last month and he does not know I am going for this training. When I get a job I will come off here with my daughter and parents.”
I saw her wipe a tear. I gave her my water bottle and she took a long swallow. I seriously had no clue how to react. All I could do was listen to her.

“Once he took me to the beach road for a drive, and drove back alone leaving me there. It was 11:30 in the night. I took an auto and went home. One time, he took me to ‘Gnanapuram smashanam’ (a particular graveyard in Vizag) pulled me out of the car and asked me to go inside and come back. He threatened to tell people that I had an affair or that I tried to kill him or that he will kill me if I did not do what he asked me to do or if I told anybody about all this. At one point I also asked him to give me a divorce if he did not like me. He said he enjoyed torturing me so he would never divorce me. I don’t have the strength to fight him. I am now scared he will treat my daughter also like that. ”

The bus stopped at a roadside dhabba for dinner. The lights were on and she suddenly stopped talking. I wanted to go to the washroom and asked her if she wanted something from the dhabba to eat. She refused. After 10 minutes I went back to my seat and I saw her recline on her seat and her face covered with the small blanket they give in the bus. Was she silently crying? I didn’t know. But I knew she was suffering. Hurting. Silently.

I couldn’t sleep all night. I have known men who beat their wives and feel macho about it. I could never ever respect them. But this was somehow different. This girl so blatantly accepting she couldn’t fight nor confide. Confused, scared and helpless how was she going to get through all that? I felt like giving her a good shake and saying “If this is all true why the hell are you taking it?”

Early next morning, as my stop approached, I woke her up and gave her my number before getting down from the bus.

I never heard from her. I don’t know if she got a job. I don’t know if she told her parents about her suffering. I don’t know if she fought against that monster of a husband. I wonder if I helped in anyway by just listening to her that night.

I think of her often and hope is in a better place now.

My freezer gave up :(

I had never thought I would have a freezer stacked with frozen food. I grew up believing refrigerator freezers are for making ice cubes, storing ice cream and for a quick chill. Frozen meat?? Nahhhh….meat shops are always around the corner.

But here in KSA, its so so so hot and humid that I feel guilty asking my husband to go buy stuff, and we women here don’t have the freedom to do our own grocery shopping. So we thought why not just stock some in the freezer. That’s a sensible win-win solution…until my freezer gave up yesterday.

I was in the mood for some ‘chepala pulusu’ (fish curry Andhra style) and went to take out some to defreeze and goshhhhhh…for some reason my freezer wasn’t working. What do I do? I immediately googled ‘Freezer breakdown frozen meat’ and got no solution I liked. So, I boiled the peas, made chicken biriyani and mutton curry. And yeah there were a quarter kilo prawns that I boiled with salt and pepper so I could put ‘em back in the fridge. Three pieces of fish which I fried but somehow had a feeling it got spoiled. I threw it away :(

I have no problems cooking. I love cooking. But this was ‘forced cooking’. I had no choice. I couldn’t let all that spoil. We couldn’t even share the food with friends as a bachelor friend of my husband and a friend of mine with a family are both away on a vacation. So I cooked it all and I don’t have to cook for atleast 3 days. So I think for some time I will stick to fresh meat. (My husband will have to sweat some more).

And yeah, I forgot to mention the chicken mortadella and thank god I have a two door fridge!