Happy Sad

I am excited, elated, happy, nervous, tensed and sad. Yeah I am feeling all these at the same time in almost similar proportions.

For some time now I was hoping to take a break from this routine here. I needed freedom. I needed to know I haven’t lost my brains completely sitting at home here. I have been dying to talk to people other than just family friends and acquaintances. I fear I had forgotten how to speak to anybody else other than my husband. Yesterday, after a 3 hour conversation with my mom-in-law, she said “Dear, you need a break. Why don’t you come here for a month.” (I wonder if I said something that made her realize that I am losing my brains here.) And how sweet of her to listen to my yapping for 3 hours!!!

Though my husband and me have been thinking about me going to India for a couple of weeks, we never took it too seriously. Suddenly, this morning my husband said that it’s better I take a break. (I suspect he needs a break from me.) So one call to the travel agent and the tickets are booked for tomorrow morning. I have to leave home by 8 am.

I have been looking forward to a trip like this. Infact I told my husband that on our next visit to India, I didn’t want him around me for atleast a week. And now, the tickets are booked and I am not sure how sure I want to go.

Yes, I want to have the girl talks with my mom-in-law and want to listen to my dad-in-law discussing insane traffic and irresponsible drivers of Hyderabad. Want to catch up with my mom on the family politics, discuss with my dad on how to make life easy and freak out with my brother.

A matter of 48 hours or less, and I will be able to do all that and more. But all of a sudden I feel a little sad. I am so used to my husband that I cannot now imagine a month away from him. I already miss him so terribly. From the day I landed here, we have been together every single day. And feeling so miserable emotionally is new to me. I am not very sure how to handle this. It is 11:30 now and I haven’t even started packing. I am delaying it. I realize I haven’t had breakfast and am still not hungry. I did not even touch my coffee after I got to know my ticket is confirmed. Oh my God!!! I have become an emotional wreck. I know I need this break and will make the most of it.

But right now, this very moment, I am nervous, tensed and sad, excited, elated, happy.

Love OR Friendship!?!?

[Written for “You’ve Been Tagged!”]

According to me, Friendship is a relationship that is based on trust and respect. We meet a lot of people at school, college, work place, neighborhood etc. but only few become friends. That is because there is something extra that we have with these people. And there are some people with whom, even if we meet/talk after years, we feel like nothing has changed between us. That is because, irrespective of the distance and time, we still respect them and trust them. Sure respect needs to be earned, but if I respect someone but do not trust the person or visa-versa, it is not friendship that I share with that person.

Love is a bond based on friendship. I might not love every friend of mine but to be able to love someone it is important for me to be able to see a friend in him or her. Love for a person increases or decreases not with time or distance but with the trust and respect that I have for a person. I know I love a friend, when, I really cannot explain why!

Both friendship and love are important in a marriage, I believe, a marriage works best when there is friendship, love and compatibility. Never-the-less, if not great, it can still be good if there is friendship and compatibility. A lot of relationships work not necessarily because there is love, but definitely because of respect and trust.

It might take a lifetime to be able to love a person. But it is the friendship that makes the wait worthwhile!

I am lucky, like most others, that I did not have to compromise. My husband is my best friend, I love him, unconditionally, and ‘Thank God’ we are compatible. [Touchwood!].

Can you?

You love simply because you cannot help it. ~ Kim Anderson ~

Smell...

“Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains...”

~Diane Ackerman ~

Woman

One is not born a woman -

one becomes one.

~ Simone de Beauvoir ~

...holding on

She read it all over again. She knew it by heart. “I will write soon” was what she was holding on to…for 4 months now.

Right Here Right Now

Sometimes your days become so monotonous that everything that you do is in a flow...from the time you wake up till the time you fall asleep. There are days when I want to break the routine. Well, that’s why I guess we have weekends!

Right here, the place that I live in, there is really not much I can do by myself. So I am stuck indoors all day. I can only dream of walking alone in a park or even in the street. I so long for the days when I can do all that I enjoy doing outdoors, even if on my own...like,
1. Window shopping (with out being bothered about my husband waiting outside the store)
2. Walking in the aisles of the supermarket looking at every product I want to without either the intention to buy OR the pressure of ‘Done?’ (I once told my husband that I hate it when he says ‘hurry up!’ so now he asks ‘Done?’. Smart @&&!)
3. Sitting in a corner seat of a cafe and reading a book (not bothered about how long I’ve been there or how many coffee’s I have had)
4. Taking a long walk in a park with the pleasure of not talking or listening to anyone
5. Go watch a movie on impulse (even if I have to watch it alone)
6. Go to a vegetable vendor in the street corner where I can bargain (adha kilo bees rupai...kya bhaiyya..pandra lagalo...aur sabji lene hain)
7. Dress up and go for dinner (here dressing up means wearing an ‘abhaya’)
Well, there is more to the list. I look forward to doing all that on my next visit abroad (yeah, I have to go out of this country to do all that. I live in Saudi).

Right now, I am enjoying the pleasant weather (sitting indoors ofcourse). The winter is over and the summer has not set in yet. BTW- I hate winters. I dislike everything about winter...cold nights, dark mornings, dry skin, frizzy hair, thick clothes...
I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson and taking care of my two pet turtles (Tilu & Bhole). I have so much fun just watching them eat, swim and crawl. When I talk to them they actually look up as if they understand. Tilu is docile and Bhole is a bully. They are so tiny and want so little.

I am dancing to the tune of Marjani and just can’t get enough of You get me Rocking&Reeling (I especially the Hindi lines of the song. Both from Billu Barber). I am a sucker for romantic songs (anything romantic actually) and am still listning to Kucch Khaas Hai and Marjawa from Fashion. I am loving the music of Delhi 6 and looking forward to watch the movie.

Beautiful Woman

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,

She is beautiful because you love her.

~ by Anonymous ~