Happy Sad

I am excited, elated, happy, nervous, tensed and sad. Yeah I am feeling all these at the same time in almost similar proportions.

For some time now I was hoping to take a break from this routine here. I needed freedom. I needed to know I haven’t lost my brains completely sitting at home here. I have been dying to talk to people other than just family friends and acquaintances. I fear I had forgotten how to speak to anybody else other than my husband. Yesterday, after a 3 hour conversation with my mom-in-law, she said “Dear, you need a break. Why don’t you come here for a month.” (I wonder if I said something that made her realize that I am losing my brains here.) And how sweet of her to listen to my yapping for 3 hours!!!

Though my husband and me have been thinking about me going to India for a couple of weeks, we never took it too seriously. Suddenly, this morning my husband said that it’s better I take a break. (I suspect he needs a break from me.) So one call to the travel agent and the tickets are booked for tomorrow morning. I have to leave home by 8 am.

I have been looking forward to a trip like this. Infact I told my husband that on our next visit to India, I didn’t want him around me for atleast a week. And now, the tickets are booked and I am not sure how sure I want to go.

Yes, I want to have the girl talks with my mom-in-law and want to listen to my dad-in-law discussing insane traffic and irresponsible drivers of Hyderabad. Want to catch up with my mom on the family politics, discuss with my dad on how to make life easy and freak out with my brother.

A matter of 48 hours or less, and I will be able to do all that and more. But all of a sudden I feel a little sad. I am so used to my husband that I cannot now imagine a month away from him. I already miss him so terribly. From the day I landed here, we have been together every single day. And feeling so miserable emotionally is new to me. I am not very sure how to handle this. It is 11:30 now and I haven’t even started packing. I am delaying it. I realize I haven’t had breakfast and am still not hungry. I did not even touch my coffee after I got to know my ticket is confirmed. Oh my God!!! I have become an emotional wreck. I know I need this break and will make the most of it.

But right now, this very moment, I am nervous, tensed and sad, excited, elated, happy.